20 things a brand cannot do
1. A brand may die, but it cannot live
2. It cannot squeal with joy
3. Nor writhe in agony
4. A brand can be limp, but it can never run with the wind in its hair
5. A brand cannot smile
6. Nor can it laugh
7. And as for the jokes that it tells? A brand can never stand-up
8. A brand cannot make your bed rock
9. Nor can it get so drunk that it droops
10. A brand can have children, but never sit them on its knee
11. A brand cannot caress you
12. Nor can it fart
13. Burp
14. And snore
15. Though it can keep you awake at night, but only unintentionally
16. A brand cannot do the timewarp
17. It cannot hand-jive
18. Head-bang
19. Or do the twist
20. A brand cannot command your loyalty when it is not loyal to you
